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March 10

Blathers: Pshhh...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: I should say, dear Brewster has provided me much entertainment over the years... It's not that the fellow is naive, per se, its just... Well... How to put this?

Blathers: The wonderful pigeon is just rather simple.

Player: Really?

Blathers: Indeed, he is, though I don't mean to say he's daft... He's just innocent.

Blathers: For instance, the other day, a sleazy business-type oozed into the cafe... This wretch was trying to sell Brewster a counterfeit piece of art! Hoo-rrific! "Real Coffee. Real Art. Real Profits. You'd be CRAZY to pass up this deal!"

Blathers: Now of course, most folk would see right through such a charlatan... Not our pigeon, however. Thank goodness I showed up when I did, eh Wot!

Blathers: Indeed, "FAKE!" I cried, and the cad fled from my pique-ruffled feathers!

May 26

Blathers: Hooo...(sighing)

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: Ah. Yes. Were you aware that at this museum, we have our own coffeehouse?

Player: I know!

Blathers: We weren't always so lucky to have that shop here, but I had a clear vision, wot! I desired to get more (town's name) residents to come to the museum... So I called my good friend, Brewster, and he moved with all speed! Yes, hoo! He opened his shop right here in this museum, wouldn't you know! And ever since, even people who never knew where the museum was came in force! Indeed, they became regulars, wot! And now, business now rather booms! I must say, for me, the whole experience has been most uplifting...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: Well... Sadly, we've noticed an increasing number of... undesirables as well. Yes. In fact, just the other day we had a rather odd guest darken our door. 'Twas a Saturday, and yet this fellow wore a very hot-looking business suit. Yes, Yes, he was rather relentless with his queries, as well... He even went so far as to ask me some personal questions, eh wot? If I'm to be honest, I must admit I tired of these questions quickly. Yes... In the end, the cheeky chap asked if I had insurance and if I wanted to sign up! Why, that tore it! I lost my temper and threw the lout out! The nerve... This is a museum, I said! Why couldn't he glean that fact and be gone?!

May 27

Blathers: Hrrm...(sighing)

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: Yes. Ah. Well. I believe I'd mentioned before that since opening the cafe... we've seen an increase in the number of rather odd customers at the museum... Yes, well, I believe we saw one of the more extreme cases the other day.

Player: Tell me more!

Blathers: Yes. Hoo. Well. At first glance, he appeared to be a driver, or pilot... Ah, yes! The fellow was with a woman, as well, I recall.... Hoo, indeed, this fellow was rather arrogant bent, eh wot? The type that might enjoy fisticuffs with other men.

Player: Hmm...

Blathers: Yes. Hm. Well. In any case, that liverly-looking fellow roamed around... He'd plant himself before each of the exhibits and start ranting, wot? Such madness this chap spewed! "This painting be o' the Chowdwe era." "This be the ancestor o' the modern-day shrimp. " Filthy lies, all of them... And in such lowbrow dialect, as well! Merely watching him pained me. The truly sad part is, I suspect the cretin actually believed he was right...

July 9

Blathers: Hoooo...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: Ah. Hoo. I was just thinking about my hometown... Not that this old bird is homesick, mind you.. But there are certain times when I yearn for the neon lights of the big city...

Player: Really?

Blathers: Hoo? What times, you ask? Well, it relates to my university years, you see... At the behest of my professor, I often stayed late in the laboratory... So, rather than a flat as I worked on my master's, I lived with my parents. Then I started working on my doctorate, of course... Yes, STARTED, hoo...

Player: Didn't finish?

Blathers: No, not as such... You see, one day, my professor approached me with an idea. He spoke of plans in the offing to build a museum in this town. They were having a most difficult time filling the curator position... 'Twas my understanding that no one from the main Farway Museum would move... And sadly, they were unable to fill the position with local talent... So, they asked the person heading up the project to find a good fit, wot! And that good fit was none other than yours truly! And so it went, hoo!

Player: So that means...

Blathers: Yes. Well, the timing was perfect... I'd just received my curator's license, and before I knew it, I was the newest resident of dear old (town's name)! And the rest, as they say, is history, wot wot! Don't misunderstand, it's not as though I regret moving here! Not one jot! It's just that I can't help but get a wee bit nostalgic at times!

July 12

Blathers: Hrrrgh...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: Ah. Yes. Hoo. I was merely... reminiscing again...

Player: Tell me!

Blathers: I suppose I was still at university then. Indeed. I was on summer holiday. Yes. Hoo. As I recall, I was about to start my new part-time job. You see, there was a bit of a mold problem with the library's books, wot. So, it was my duty to lay them out on the windowsill to dry in the sunlight. Hoo! The horror of it all... 'Twas on that job that I made a grievous error...

Player: What'd you do?

Blathers: Hoo. Very well. There are various specialized books in the university library......not to mention the reference books that rarely get read, eh wot? These books tend to get eaten by book lice and the like, you see... Now, bear in mind, I loathe insects. I was holding a book by a page's corner, but the weight of the tome proved too portly for the poor page... RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIP...... I looked up, aghast, and the librarians' eyes were on me! Such shame... Such shame... I must say, I rather think the episode served to... Well, I believe it exacerbated my fear of creepy-crawlies. Hoo...

July 15

Blathers: Mrrrrgh...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: Hoo. To be quite honest... I was just mulling a bitter recollection from my past...

Player: Tell me!

Blathers: Hoo. Yes. Ah. Indeed. Well. It happened back when I was still at university... My professor asked me to do a spot of work for him. He wished me to proctor the college entrance examination, eh wot? Yes, in any case, it was my job to hand out the test forms... And to foil cheaters, of course. A crucial job, to be sure, but quite easy. Or so I thought until, during the examination, something awful happened...

Player: What?!

Blathers: Hoo. Yes. The exam had begun, and all the students were working away... But the room began to get rather warm and stuffy, don't you know, so... Thinking it a capital idea to let some air in, I opened a window a tad. Hoo, what a tragic error! A single fly flew into the exam room... Vile thing. Ugh. I couldn't peel my eyes off the wretched creature as it flew around the room! That suffocating room... I stood, nearly molting, grinding my beak... After an eternity, the bell rang, as scheduled, and the exam was over... But the constant beak grinding had given me a cramp in my face muscles...

Player: Long story!!!

Blathers: Hoo my! My apologies! I shan't bore you with my stories any longer... I don't know what's gotten into me... I don't think of myself as being prone to bouts of homesickness...

October 1

Blathers: I say...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: I can't fathom why I'm telling you this but...

Blathers: I really envy your youth, [player]... Yes. Hoo.

Player: What's wrong?!

Blathers: Well, when I was a nestling youth, it was my dream to become an archaeologist...

Blathers: I wished to travel the world in search of fossils that no one had ever glimpsed.. Hoo! Especially dinosaur fossils. To me, they were the ultimate find... What's that? I should be content looking at fossils here, you say? Ah. Hoo. Well, [player].... You see, to a true fossil connoisseur, the joy of fossil hunting lies more in the search than in the find, eh wot?

Player: Well, good luck!

Blathers: Hmmph! ...Hoo, I say! Indeed, hootie hoo, [player]! I daresay I should take your comment just now... as a challenge, wot? Yes. Hoo. Indeed... Done! Without further delay, starting today, and every day forthwith... I shall find the time to do some fieldwork of my own! Sound the trumpets, hoo! You shall just have to wait and see what I can find, [player]!

December 20

Blathers: Bah...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: Between you and me, I quite detest them. All of them! The bugs I mean...

Player: Conquer fear!

Blathers: Well. Hm. Hoo. Indeed. Easier said than done, of course. Fear is rather robust... Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, eh wot? ...But I do suppose you have a point, after all. I'm making excuses. After all, I am the curator of the (town's name) museum! A noble office! Such dread is irrational! It's unprofessional! Who fears bugs, really? Well, to begin, I shall talk to my sister, Celeste, about this matter, wot? Oddly enough, she is rather comfortable touching them. Bugs, I mean... I've seen her gazing at butterflies before, completely relaxed.

Player: They're cute!

Blathers: They are most assuredly NOT cute!!! Have you gone quite mad?! Be truthful: have you ever looked really closely at a butterfly's belly? It appears quite squishy! It looks like it's waiting to spew something on you! Ugh! Vile...

December 24

Blathers: Hrmph...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: You recall that I declared I'd work on conquering my fears of bugs, eh wot? Yes. Well, I've been doing my own special training!

Player: Training?

Blathers: The means to which I have restored are quite extreme, really... Hoo. Yes. Indeed. Just thinking about it makes my belly burble, but... I lay my Giant Dictionary of Insects before me, fight my gag reflex, and... slowly run my talon over each of the foul images! Ugh.. The thought alone of those furtive caresses makes my gorge rise! The other day, I opened the book to a close-up of a green caterpillar's face... I believe I may have pocket-retched a bit... Ugh. So very vile..."

December 29

Blathers: Ooooh...

Player: What's wrong?

Blathers: It's been some time since I began trying to conquer my fear of insects... Indeed, TOO long! I must say, the lack of results... has left me rather blue.

Player: Really?

Blathers: No trifling matter, this! I'll have you know, I have an important goal in mind! I'd very much like to take Celeste camping in the summertime, you see... Youths her age still tend to enjoy such activities, do they not? Yes. Well. In any case... I believe a night of camping is just the thing! I should think she'd rather enjoy that, wouldn't you say so?

Player: Definitely!

Blathers: To be forthright, I owe her an enjoyable time. I've been a substandard brother... We go to the beach, I see a sea louse, and soon I'm covered in nerve-hives... We go hiking, I glimpse a common butterfly and need a week of therapy... When I think of the scenes I've made, I'm simply horrified for Celeste!

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